Negativity dragging you down? Tame it or get rid of it!

With it being the first month of 2018 and most of us are just getting settled-in, and back to the daily grind, I thought it would be fitting to address a topic that affects 'most of us, some of the time', and for sure 'some of us, ALL of the time'. 

That topic is NEGATIVITY.

I can attest, I've certainly struggled with it.  I'd like to say that negativity only affects me 'some of the time', but I've learned that I have to make a very conscious effort to stay focused on the positive. In fact this is something that I have prioritized in recent years, as I see how important it is, both for myself as an individual, but also in terms of how my mindset and attitude impact my work and my business.

Now, I'm not a self-help guy, or a guru of any sort. However, maintaining a positive attitude is something I try to stress in managing my teams, in engaging with business partners, and in working to develop new talent in the industry.

Never underestimate the power of a good attitude.

And conversely, never underestimate how destructive negativity can be.

Negativity is like a cancer, and can drag even the most high performing team and individual down into the muck. It's something I struggled with as a manager, as having someone on your team with a bad attitude is like having an arm and a leg tied behind your back as you try to do your work. You can have the best plans, the latest/greatest tools and resources, and some awesome staff to work with, but all it takes is that one negative person on your team to undermine and sabotage all your good efforts. Very frustrating!

I see it present on details, I see it in LinkedIn posts and comments, and I'm telling you, it doesn't serve anyone well.

In fact, when I observe someone who is a hand-wringing, Eeyore (read some Winnie the Pooh if you don't remember him, he was the donkey with the thundercloud always hovering over his head) kind of operator, I always make a mental note that I will NOT be working with them again if I can help it.

Seriously. Negativity will cost you. It will cost you business relationships, opportunities and employment.

Most of us struggle with trying to stay positive, and ridding ourselves of negative thoughts and perspective. That's understandable. We are all human after all!

The difference is how each of us deal it negativity and manage it. And in my experience, we Executive Protection, Law Enforcement and Security Industry people have an inordinate dose of it.  As I said, I'm not saying I'm immune to this, in fact, quite the contrary. I totally get it. The nature of our work can make it difficult to stay positive, and part of our culture is that welcome 'bitch' session you get to have with your buddies in your downtime, where you commiserate about all your crazy experiences. 

But, the bottom line is that despite the challenges of staying positive, you can't let negativity eat you up and jade you. Now, you might be wondering what YOUR bad attitude has to do with me or with anyone else. I can tell you it has a great deal to do with others.

No one wants to work with someone who is constantly negative. That's the truth.

Do what you need to do to develop/cultivate a positive mindset. I'm telling you it's worth the effort, even though I know it can be hard!

So what about that nagging internal NEGATIVITY monster in you head?  Tame that BEAST, before it gets into you soul.

From my current blogging and articles, I get a lot of communication from guys and gals in the Executive Protection/Security Industry.   I love hearing from people in our industry, and have met some awesome people via these exchanges.  I get questions on a daily basis, asking for advice on how to successfully transition into the security industry. Most of the people I end up speaking with have a lot going for them, and are so close to breaking the barriers in front of them. One of the things I really encourage them to do is to seek out positive resources (blogs, podcasts, reading) to help them develop a positive mindset. For those of you spending time in this online space, I'm sure you've observed that it's easy to get caught up in the negative (which is a very disruptive focus to have when you are trying to build your career). 

I am not a motivational speaker by trade, or a hold hands in circle and sing songs type of guy. To the contrary, I'm pragmatic in my thinking and somewhat of a Realist. I leave the dreaming to my wife and kids.

But I hear similar themes over and over again, and that's why I'm writing about this. 

For the majority of folks, there are a few specific elements that I usually end up discussing with them.

1. Mapping out a specific career path

2. Committing to taking action, and to learning/adjusting along the way

3.  Focusing on self-development and education to continue to stretch and grow

And the most important thing that I inevitably focus on, the thing that will tank a career (in any industry)  before it even gets started...

4.  Committing to addressing negativity

This sounds simple, but you would be shocked to see how many people are frozen in a stagnate place in their careers because they can't get past their own demons and foul attitudes.

Just like anything else in life that is not good for us, we either need to tame it or get rid of it. 

It's true, we receive a barrage of negativity from all directions. And,  I am not saying that we should all walk around smiling and happy-go-lucky 24/7. 

But a positive overall attitude should be the desired state.  If it's not, then you definitely need to read this!

Disclaimer:  Many of you reading this know me personally and can attest to my personality.  I DO NOT walk around giddy and happy all the time, and have been known to take care of business (when needed) and generally operate in a no-nonsense manner.  Developing and maintaining a positive outlook is something I've struggled with. But I've stuck with it because I have seen just how critical it is for success in my career and in my life. 

Below are some things that I have utilized in dealing with my own NEGATIVITY monster when it rears it ugly head.  Tame it or get rid of it has worked well for me, and clears up at lot of the blurred lines, and this supports me in maintaining a positive outlook.   

Here are some of the main negativity sources with some "Tame it" or "Get Rid Of It" advice.

The acronym below may help you remember them for future discussions.  

Here we go! 

(Family, Friends, Employees, Coworkers and Environment)  "FECE'"  Note: No pun-intended, it just worked out this way.

Family can be the toughest one to deal with, but can  be the most 'tame-able', as you play a huge role in the culture in your home.  Your immediate family, spouse, kids, etc. take immediate cues from you and vice versa. Taming negativity with those closest to you is do-able, but takes persistence.  Extended family should be assessed much like friends or colleagues. They either add to your life, or they take away from it. Do yourself a favor and put some distance between you and those who drag you down.

Friends. This is an easy one for me, as I don't have a lot of time, therefore only spend it with those who really enhance my life. Friends are much like your immediate family.  They should add something positive to your life, and the the time you spend with them should compliment your life, (it should be better because they are in it).   So if your friends are your source of negativity, I highly recommend the 'get rid of it' approach. Life is too short to spend it with people who drag you down.

Employees. This group of people play a critical role in your success. Their attitude, approach and mindset is a direct reflection on you and your business. Yes, dealing with negative staff can be hard, but I want to challenge you to do just that. The degree of control you may have in terms of addressing negativity may vary depending on your role, the size of your organization and the culture of your company.

However, as I mentioned earlier in this blog, having employees with a scarcity/negative mindset is like having a rotten apple festering in your basket of fresh fruit. You don't want to leave it unattended or you will have some big issues with the rest of your team.

They will suck every little bit of positivity and productivity from your team, and ultimately undermine you as the owner, manager or lead. 

Get help from your HR department to deal with the performance management challenges, and if you are a small company, and the problem/negative employee is a contractor; then you just "Get Rid Of it" by not utilizing their services any longer.  Easy!  This is where I am at in my career, and I have to say it feels good to know that I have the choice just NOT to do business with people like this!

Coworkers. Yes, I know that you may have no choice but to see or deal with these people every day, but you do have a significant amount of control over how much they affect you.   You get to decide if you are going to let their bad attitude suck the life out of you, or if you will just tune them out and focus on things and people that do actually matter. Don't hang out with them at work, on breaks, or any other locations. You also don't have to pretend you like their behavior. You can tolerate them professionally, but you don't have to engage with them socially or give them any sense that you endorse their negativity.

Note: Unfortunately, you may encounter situations where YOU may end up leaving the company if the negativity is just too much. There are times when it's not just a coworker, but rather it is the entire organizational culture that is negative (and therefore toxic). Only you can  decide that,.....  But if you have continued developing the first 3 categories listed above then you should have options. 

Environment. This would be things like social media, tv, talk radio, etc.   For me, it's tough to turn on the TV and listen to the nightly news at this point.  I do my best to stay informed, but once I've heard the updates I turn it off. I'm not going to linger and wallow in all the craziness of the world and people's opinions of it.  The same can be said for driving down the road and listening to talk radio, all day long.  It can leave you pissed-off, feeling negative,  actually down-right mad!   So spending your time, day in or day out listening, watching, reading all this is not  good  or helpful thing. 

Another aspect of environment that I personally find has a huge impact on my state of mind is my commute! Nothing gets my blood pressure up more than a dumb driver who sits in an intersection on their cell phone. My wife and kids want to duck and hide, as my inner Mr. Hyde always shows up. I've learned that I'm better off picking routes that have less traffic even if it is farther distance to drive.   It's just not worth it to me to have something so small that messes my attitude up in such a quick amount of time! And on a daily basis, something as simple as bad traffic can be keeping you in a constant state of negativity!

Before I close this out, I would be remiss if I didn't mention the primary thing that most contributes to your mindset (whether positive or negative)

And that my friend, is YOU!

Many of us, (including myself) have the toughest time dealing our own demons that whisper negative and judgmental thoughts. We can be our own worst enemy on this front, despite our best efforts to control the other factors I talked about.  If we can tame our own negativity, then the categories above are much easier to deal with.

It's tough to look in the mirror and realize YOU may be the one cultivating the negativity and holding yourself, and possibly others back.   Take a moment and think about this. Are YOU the negative one on your team? Are you the one always complaining? Sometimes the truth hurts. 

It's never too late to switch gears though. You just have to make the decision to tame it, or get rid of it.

But don't make the mistake of thinking it is ok.

You owe it to yourself to own the attitude you cultivate (and tolerate), and your career and your life can only benefit from choosing to take a more positive approach.

I'm not saying it's easy, particularly if you've spent the better part of your life stuck in a negative rut. However, it's worth it, both personally and professionally!

What's your experience been with negativity on your teams? How about in your own mindset? Let me know what you've done to combat this, I'd love to hear from you.